With the surprising news breaking that President Biden was severely cognitively impaired during his presidency, many have wondered who then was running the country? Sifting through the records and thousands of hours of video, investigators were forced to conclude that the staff of The Onion was secretly running the country this whole time. Overwhelming evidence uncovered proves that the Biden presidency was an unfunny joke played on the country, characteristic of The Onion. Asked for comment, the editors of The Onion insisted that even though no one laughed, they still thought it was a funny joke. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title Headline by @toejamfootball.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
After Trump Eliminates Harvard's Student Visa Program, AOC Advises Them To Apply For Mastercards @dontslowtheearth
Man Becomes Atheist After Fauci Miraculously Appears In His Toast @baberahamlincoln
Man Struggles To Defend Himself Against Wife's Complaint That He's Defensive @priehle
‘You Don't Understand! This Animal Skin Is Sooo Last Season' — Eve @ruthiej714
Oh No! Grandma Starves To Death After Adult Children Throw Out Her Expired Food @drconservativeprof
Father Of Three (40) Tearfully Says Goodbye To Last Crew Socks From 12 Pack He Bought In College @lpathehuman
Adam Comey Blames Eve Comey For Post On InstaGarden @annafillaxis
Joe And Corn Pop Reconcile, Putting Their Longstanding Feud To Rest @alola_rychu
Dr. Jill Joins 'With Love, Meghan' To Discuss 'Exploiting Your Husband's Wealth And Notoriety' @eversong
After Months On The Dating Market, Man Finally Puts Himself On Clearance @davidjohnson
Whoopi Claims She "Never Noticed Biden's Mental Decline — We Were Always On The Same Level" @m5studios
Ken Ham Concedes That Bill Nye Evolved From A Monkey @neohillbilly
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Running Out Of Ideas, God Makes Canada @babylonjosh
Evidence Points To Editors Of 'The Onion' As Group Running The Country During Biden's Term @toejamfootball
Biden Advised To Start Getting His Scandals In Order @tylermontgomery
Jesus Tells Disciples To Eat What Is Set Before Them Unless It's Pineapple Pizza @theamericanaardvark
Media Unsure Why Man Who Yelled "Death To Jews" Would Kill Jews @howiescheer
Uh-oh: Gandalf Takes Over For Peter At Pearly Gates, Just Says "You Shall Not Pass" @sharkey
Boss Asks Ugly Employee To Pretend To Be Non-Binary For The DEI Tax Credit @baberahamlincoln
Man Sprains Wrist From Weight Of To-Do List, Sadly Unable To Accomplish Anything @nicholascday
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Man Identifies As Great Magician After Wowing Two Year Old @middleaged_machinist
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
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